LILI'S ADOPTION
I had always known I'd be a Mom and I had a plan. If I didn't have children by the age of 40 by the "normal" route, I'd either adopt or try artificial insemination. Since my health plan would pay for it, I decided to try the infertility route first. When Mother Nature didn't cooperate, I started the adoption process. Being a student of Chinese culture and philosophy for many years, I knew I wanted to adopt a little Chinese girl. Finding the right agency took some doing.
I presented an unusual profile as a perspective adoptive parent. I was old (fortysomething). I was single. I had a nontraditional professional path. I was leaving my steady job for self-employment, so my finances were nontraditional. Many adoption agencies weren't interested in me or insisted that I fit into their profile before I could adopt. I have a MS. Ed. in early child development, so I was not interested in the requirement of many adoption agencies that I get lectured by their staff as part of the adoption process. I was an experienced traveler and had lived abroad. I didn't feel the need to be tied to a group when traveling to adopt, nor did I feel the need to take another person along with me on the trip to China. I couldn't imagine having my referral and being forced to wait until enough other families got theirs before I could travel to adopt.
Thursday's Child was a god-send for me. Iris and staff were very respectful of my individuality, working to find ways of adapting the process to accommodate my particular circumstances. I really benefited from the family interviews they require in place of the usual lectures. I was able to meet several other single adoptive moms and get some realistic insight into the experience. One of them has developed into a good friend. And, when I finally got my referral, I traveled in five weeks. In Hong Kong, I met up withsome families from the San Francisco area who were adopting from the same orphanage in Hunan Province. Adoption is such an intensely personal experience that there wasn't much group activity. However, we keep in touch with these adoptive cousins and plan to visit them in California.
People are always interested in how much choice I had in "picking out" my daughter LiLi. About as much as if I had borne her, I tell them. Since I feel that I won the baby lotto with my daughter, I can't imagine how I could have "picked her out" better even if I had the opportunity. She is a bright, intelligent little person. She has been extremely healthy and is right on schedule developmentally. Even though she is adopted, I'm told that she has my smile. She definitely has my funny narrow-heel feet and my fine hair. It's funny how genes jump like that.
Adoption has changed my life in ways that I couldn't have imagined. LiLi is a precious gift from a country and culture I love. Her native culture is as much a normal part of our life as is my parents' Polish culture. She loves kielbasa with horseradish as much as rice with sesame vegetables. Single momhood is not easy, but all of the hardships are erased when those little arms go around my neck or she reaches to hold my hand during dinner. There are so many precious little ones out there waiting for a hand to hold. If you have a room in your heart for a child, please consider adopting, no matter how "nontraditional" your circumstances.
JoAnne Kacillas, CT